WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
how does that bad decision feel?
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
