mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
