I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
