I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
