I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
