Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
her facebook's as public as her vagina
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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