So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
