we're chasing vodka with high fives
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
