After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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