Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Randomize
