someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
