I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
