I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
no more duck duck goose at the bar
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
