My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
