I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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