She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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