just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
