I have demons in me.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
