I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
