You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
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