I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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