i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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