I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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