She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
