I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
