I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
