The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
