Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
