just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
