i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
