my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
