Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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