I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Congratulations! We have a period
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
