New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
