Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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