I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
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