im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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