i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
