the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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