just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
