Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Randomize
