Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
