saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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