You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
