The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
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