batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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