Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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