He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
