he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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