That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
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