Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
