Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
