my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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