Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
