I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
