Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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