Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Randomize
